“You never know what you are made of until you must face your greatest fears head-on.”
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Different modalities or belief systems often talk about “initiations” as being the point where a young person is suddenly confronted by the sometimes cruel or grueling complexity of life itself. Many ‘coming of age’ stories talk about an adolescent’s passage into adulthood through some character-defining struggle they must face, either through making a difficult decision for themselves, or they must survive a dangerous and possibly life-threatening situation now presented to them.
In the practice of shamanism, most ‘initiations’ are like that. They are called ‘tests of Spirit’. You often don’t even realize that you are in an initiation until, as I mentioned in a previous post called “Relearning“, whatever you always did in your life that once worked so well for you, now doesn’t; and whatever you try to ‘fix it’ with, falls flat—or makes the situation worse.
Spirit-initiations are meant to be a ‘shift point’ for your life where you are stopped in your tracks and forced to change your perspective, your attitude, and your life direction. That is their basic purpose—a shake up to your internal make-up. It can be like getting hit in the face with a tire iron. (And sometimes just as painful.) You stop, shake your head, look around, and say, “OMG! What just happened to my life?”
And true Spirit-initiations are never to be taken lightly. You learn quickly that you are not in charge of what is happening. So pay attention to every aspect of the experience and above all else—watch your attitude. In true Spirit-initiations, if you don’t confront them with respect and a willingness to learn the error of your previous ways, you may get slapped down even harder, because in shamanism everything is alive and everything is connected to everything else. Consciousness is that vast ocean in which you swim; and there are lots of different forms of conscious awareness in that ocean—some you can’t even begin to imagine; but when all those other ‘awarenesses’ are suddenly redirected toward you, there is no place for you to hide to escape their penetrating focus. When Spirit has you in Its sights, you are the sole target of Its intentions.
That’s the basics of a shaman initiation—it’s a test from Spirit to see what you are made of when your life suddenly goes to hell and you can’t figure out WHY or HOW to change the situation for the better. Because for some unknown to you reason, it has suddenly become your new Spirit-assigned “task” to face down whatever demons, both real and imagined, that are blocking your life’s forward progression; and you don’t have a choice in the matter. Seriously, initiations can literally be life-threatening at their worst.
To shamans, an ‘initiation’ is the insurmountable obstacle appearing in your daily passage—the unexpected crisis point that strains your emotional/psychological resiliency—the seemingly unavoidable mine field you must cross to merely progress further along your normal life’s path.
From my own shamanic experiences I can easily say that INITIATIONS are truly awful tests of your determination, your stamina and endurance, and your mental resiliency. Sometimes the physical characteristics of a Spirit test are the least challenging aspect you will face; while the psychological/emotional/mental toughness parts are the hardest to withstand. Those experiences can shatter what you once considered REALITY; and that in itself can be destabilizing.
The worst parts of my own major shaman-initiation lasted years; and even now—fifteen years later, I am still dealing with residues of the horrible experience. (Hard-heads get hard lessons.) So never underestimate the severity or longevity of a true Spirit-initiation. You simply have to ride it out without crumbling to pieces under the pressure. You must learn how to SURVIVE onslaughts from the UNKNOWN, and make them your learning experiences, not your breaking point.
Joseph Campbell described this process of initiation in religious mythology as “The Hero’s Journey” (from WIKI):
“In narratology and comparative mythology, the hero’s journey, or the monomyth, is the common template of stories that involve a hero who goes on an adventure, is victorious in a decisive crisis, and comes home changed or transformed.”
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That’s actually the whole point of ‘initiations’: They are meant to transform your life. Who you have evolved into because of surviving the initiation, is far from who you were prior to it. You were once soft dough to be molded and shaped in whatever form; and now after surviving the oven’s blast furnace, you are crusty bread that matches the last form that held you.
While it’s pretty hard to think of a crisis as an ‘opportunity’ to discover the most intimate details about who you are and why you exist, that is what a crisis provides—an initiation into self-discovery of what it takes for you to survive for as long as you need to do it.
It’s a true test of your character and your determination to endure the worst of the worst, and to learn humility during the process. It’s a way to face down your worst fears—which is probably why it exists.