Seeing Clearly

Nothing is ever as simple or clear as we often wish it were; and that’s especially significant for examining our relationships with others.

For myself, no matter how perfect I wish that I could be in all manners of living, I’m not. Nor is anyone else that I know. We are who and what we are. We may strive for improvement and better understanding all aspects of our lives and the lives of those we care about, but we have a default reaction built into us that often blares out loudly when we are under stress or feeling tired and aggrieved.

It’s often a protective device we developed as children that may have helped us through more difficult situations. So when interactions get testy for us in the NOW, we automatically reach for and react form that place first.

Some folks lash out at those who offend them—going nose to nose with them; others may shrink away from the offender for fear of further retribution.

Some folks learn to just walk away from confrontation in general; and others, well, they likely go ballistic—taking the nuclear option—destroying everyone and everything in their path, including the relationship they once had with the perceived offender.

A few folks focus on the painful after-effects of what happened between the two of them, stewing in self-recrimination and self-loathing for the difficult interaction, pushing heightened feelings of inadequacy through themselves or unworthiness of being treated well by others. None of which are true.

Heartbreak, however, is real. Occasionally we hurt others, intentionally or not: and we in turn are hurt by others. How we deal with that lingering pain is up to us.

When I read this post from Zach Fisher this morning, I found it a good reminder for when I am feeling disappointed in others or feeling betrayed by a friend. His last statement here is how I now view my hard-fought learning experiences in this dimension of existence:

“…You simply see things as they are.

You see what happened. You see the lesson. You see the truth. And then you keep walking.

Not carrying anger. Not carrying resentment. Not carrying the weight of someone else’s choices.

Just carrying wisdom.…”   

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Zachary Fisher   “The Gift of Seeing Clearly”

“One of the hardest lessons in life is realizing that not everyone is who we hoped they were.

Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are the very people we trusted. The people we opened our hearts to. The people we believed would stand beside us no matter what. When they disappoint us, betray us, or show us a side of themselves we never wanted to see, it can cut deeper than almost anything else.

…

At some point, the focus shifts away from what happened to us and toward what was revealed through it. We begin to understand that every difficult experience carries a lesson. Not because the pain was deserved, but because truth has a way of emerging when illusions fall apart.

Some people enter our lives to walk beside us. Others enter our lives to teach us discernment. They show us where our boundaries need strengthening. They show us where we ignored our intuition. They show us who they truly are when circumstances become difficult.

And as painful as those lessons can be, they are valuable.

The goal isn’t to become bitter. It’s to become clear.

Real healing isn’t pretending something didn’t hurt. It isn’t forcing forgiveness before you’re ready. It’s reaching a place where the experience no longer controls you. Where you no longer need revenge, validation, or an apology in order to move forward.

You simply see things as they are.

You see what happened. You see the lesson. You see the truth. And then you keep walking.

Not carrying anger. Not carrying resentment. Not carrying the weight of someone else’s choices.

Just carrying wisdom.…”   ZF

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