Healing the Wounds of Abandonment

This morning I was trying to clean off old documents/folders from my computer desktop screen—trashing the stuff that no longer applied or that I simply needed to let go, and I came to a document where I had copied the intro and start of Chapter One from my intended, but never written, fourth HONORING THE HERMIT book called HEALING THE WOUNDED SPIRIT.

I had said in THIS blog previously (“The Card Said WRITE”), that I had tried to write the book—but it just wouldn’t come out, meaning that I probably wasn’t ready to write it back then (2004), because evidently I hadn’t lived enough of LIFE at that point to claim proper knowledge of the subject matter.

So today when I saw the 3-page document mentioned I started to simply trash it, but stopped myself until I reviewed the contents because something unseen there still had a pull on me.  

I, like everyone else, have been going through these unseen energetic cleanses (the ‘chaos energies’ bombarding us now) that are plaguing our collective unconsciousness at present.  They bring up lots and lots of OLD memories—OLD emotional wounds—OLD longings and losses—lots of stuff we’d rather not revisit now or EVER.

But like it or not, all that long-buried ‘painful stuff’ is coming to the surface now, no matter how much we wish that it wouldn’t, because it’s probably time for it to do so.

I liken this ‘energetic cleansing’ effect to what my REIKI students (as well as I, myself) go through after REIKI TWO attunements—the emotional/mental body ‘deep cleansing’ that occurs when the higher-frequency REIKI energies begin penetrating deeply into our energy fields and start releasing all those long-buried energy packets of emotions and memories that we thought we’d so successfully stashed deep inside us—never to face again.

I warn my students that for the year following the REIKI TWO attunements, all that OLD stuff that we’d filed away so long ago, will start to resurface with NEW intensity, and it will refuse to be stuffed back inside again, so you might as well let it rise and take a good, long look at it, and then intentionally LET IT GO!  DEAL WITH IT NOW!  Don’t try to avoid the pain, because it isn’t going to leave you completely until you address it and release the energy from it that you are still holding on to—even if unintentionally.

So today when I reread that 2004 short start to Chapter One, I nodded that yes, this IS what I personally had been feeling—it’s the ABANDONMENT issues resurfacing—from both sides of the coin—the personal pain from being the one “abandoned,” as well as the flip-side situation, which is the still-lingering sense of guilt that plagues the “abandoner” (if the abandoner is at all empathetic).

Here’s the beginning of the “ABANDONMENT” section from HEALING THE WOUNDED SPIRIT that I wrote in 2004:

“Chapter 1 

Recently I contacted an old friend and co-worker. She and I hadn’t been in touch since I had quit the company to go out on my own four years ago. In the process of catching up on what had happened to each of us during that time period, I discovered that the sagging economy had played havoc with her life as it had with my own. She made a simple statement about her last year of work there, including a five-month lay-off that stuck a vein of gold with me: ‘Certainly was an interesting year and quite the learning experience.’

Yes, I nodded in full recognition, that’s how we assimilate LIFE—through what we are forced to endure—through how we learn to survive—and even by seeing who sticks by us during the bad times—and who deserts us.

When life is treating us royally, we feel no pain. It is during the difficult, stressful times and relationships for us that we receive the deepest wounds to our spirit. It is when we must fight to survive a situation that we view the worst in others and often express it ourselves to them.

Think about the circumstances of losing a job. What is it that makes us expendable to others? How can they so easily rid themselves of us? Are we worth so little to them that they can toss us aside?

What if leaving the job was our own choice? Why would we quit? What were our reasons for working in that job to begin with that now no longer apply, that we can so easily leave it—in effect, abandoning our post?

How about a previous relationship? What happened there? Did you break it off? Did the other person leave? How many “previous” relationships have you had? Were you the abandoned one or the abandoner?

Though each of these abandoned/abandoner issues we create deep wounds—psychological and emotional wounds that force the abandoned one to question why he could be so easily left behind; as well as wounds that create unrelenting guilt for the abandoning of another—for leaving, for reneging on our responsibility to another person for whom we once cared deeply.

I’ve been in both situations. I’ve been the one left behind and I’ve been the one who left. There’s a different type of pain to each of them. Guilt over leaving someone is a nagging, gnawing sensation that never seems to leave you alone, but the pain of being abandoned is far worse and more severely felt within the heart than even a deep sense of guilt can produce.

I’m not sure we ever really heal the wound that abandonment causes without some kind of emotional/psychological scarring because it makes us question our worth as human beings. It makes us question ourselves for existing. It even makes us doubt ourselves, wondering what we might have done differently to have prevented such a painful departure—how we might have been a better person or been a better partner, or been more interesting or more fun to be with, or a better provider, or a better lover, etc. What could we have done differently? Why was it that ‘who we were,’ was not good enough?…”


So….. when I read that short book blurb from 2004 this morning, it hit all my trigger points to my recent now-surfacing painful memories, and I realized that I’m likely not the only one feeling these confusing emotions right now that seem based in a time long, long ago—emotions based on memories and pain that I thought I’d finally come to terms with way back then and had learned to simply accept as aspects of LIFE.

Hmmm, …or maybe not.  Maybe we’re not meant to accept painful emotions in that manner. Maybe they are just there as a ‘reference.’  Very unpleasant reference material, I’d say, but still, it shapes our knowledgebase in a unique way.  It provides us a comparative sense of empathy for what others might be feeling in similar circumstances.

And at least I know from my own current mental gyrations, it certainly makes you acutely aware that abandonment, from either side of the coin, is not something you can take lightly. It could perhaps, given isolated circumstances, even destroy a more fragile psyche.

If you don’t have strong, mental underpinnings to survive a deep emotional loss, I have no doubt that it could take you down—if not permanently, then for an extended time of regrouping and refocusing until you are on your feet again.  That’s how strongly our emotions rule our lives.

That’s why many who are going through deep emotional loss are often ANGRY all the time. They are angry because ‘anger’ is a refocusing agent.  It’s a compensator.  Being angry and directing that furious inner venom at ‘someone’, especially at the one who hurt you, keeps you from falling apart—both mentally and emotionally. 

I get it. I’ve been there.  But when you can finally reach a safe space where you can look behind the intensity of that inner fury—when you can look more closely at that uncontrollable, raging anger directed at the one who abandoned you, you will likely find only a bottomless pit of sadness and pain—which are emotions that make us the most vulnerable—like we were as children—powerless and at the mercy of others; and the one thing that we DON’T want to be at that critical moment of our current life is VULNERABLE.  Period!  So instead we mask our weakness, our vulnerability, with the most powerful emotion in our arsenal—ANGER!

And through the intensity of that anger, we regain our power—it gives us the energy force that keeps us going.  Anger fuels our thoughts and our actions—it gives us a sense of purpose—which is likely a masked VENGENCE type of purpose—but still, it’s a reason to move forward with our lives rather than crawling around, crying and moaning on the floor, which is what we may feel like doing instead. 

Anger, the overwhelming force of power and dominance for life on earth, gives us the WILL to survive.

But in truth, ANGER only keeps us from temporarily falling apart, because we still have to deal with the true emotions of sadness and pain that we are actually feeling, or they will haunt us like that nightly, recurring heartburn—it’s always there when we lie down to sleep—always about to make us sick if we don’t counter the nauseous effect with something to lessen its grip on us.

ANGER is often the fall-back, default mode we slide into when we are feeling vulnerable. But for many valid reasons, being continually angry is not a good way to live your life.  It can destroy your health and your other current relationships.

And when an entire collective consciousness is angry, it makes for major societal upheaval, which is what we are experiencing now.


Anyway, enough on this lengthy diatribe for today.  What I intend to do in the future here is to list and explain some books and  techniques that I’ve learned on how to deal with these now-surfacing strong emotions/memories that are can be so difficult to successfully handle.

Over the years I’ve found some helpful techniques I will share here that can help you shift your energies higher by releasing the nasty old stuff that has refused to let you go.  

So at present, if you also are feeling the ‘anger-energies’ or ‘deep sadness feelings’ that I mentioned above, hang in there. You are not alone in this. I’ll show you some techniques that can help you to better deal with it.  


Published by Rebecca A. Holdorf

Rebecca A. Holdorf, has a Masters in English, and is a certified hypnotist specializing in Past-Life Exploration and Spirit World Exploration. She is also a Usui and Karuna REIKI Master Teacher presently located near Davenport, Iowa. Author of five books, she also conducts workshops and training in Self-empowerment, True-self Actualization and REIKI. Her company is Foundations of Light, LLC, web address is http://www.lightfoundations.com . Contact her at reiki@lightfoundations.com .

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