“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” ~ Paul Coelho
Had I not just heard this same thing a day ago during a phone call with a close friend, I might have nodded at the quote when I saw it, but not lingered on it.
My friend mentioned that she had recently realized the point at which she, as a young child, had stopped being who she really was with all of her natural abilities, and had become instead who her religion-focused parents had wanted her to be—by stifling her fluid creativity and bending herself to their demands to be a ‘proper daughter’. When the suddenness of that recent realization hit her, she was startled by it and maybe even a bit angry over how the suppressing of her true-self as a child had all come about—the point when she stopped being who she once had the potential to be.
It’s true and we all know it, how parents often had that coercive ‘redirection’ affect on us, especially when we were very young. Sometimes if we were exploring dangerous situations, that redirection might have been for our betterment, but when it involved us being simply WHO we were at the core of our being, then it was wrong for parents to have stopped our natural inner development, which made it that much more difficult for us to overcome the still malingering effects of that previous parental wronging in our present lives.
And while it’s often easy to blame our parents for ALL of our LIFE problems, wide-spread blaming is likely inaccurate, and besides, that BLAMING aspect won’t help us move beyond where we currently reside. Anyone can be momentarily angry over something that happened in their past—especially when experienced as a vulnerable child, but at some point we all have to ‘let it go’—let go of the anger that we’ve stuffed down inside for so long, and we need to stop blaming others for our current life difficulties. Yes, cause can have an effect, that’s true, but when the cause changes, so should the effect change as well.
Once we become adults, we must take responsibility for our own actions—there is no other choice in the matter. So if we are still being affected by childhood wronging, then it’s up to us to find a way to move beyond it through therapy or counseling or simply in-depth self-examination in our journals.
Our current life is now our responsibility and ours alone. We may even need to forgive our parents for their perhaps misaligned or even inept attempts at guiding our young lives, and to take whatever we’ve learned from our overall experiences with them and use those revised understandings to choose our new path forward toward greater self-realization.
Or as Paul Coelho states above, “Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
Most of us may have a lot of still-festering bad memories to work through—so maybe it’s time to decode those key childhood lesson points and recognize the intrinsic value hidden within them—maybe we should view our present lives more like we are finally unearthing a long-buried treasure chest simply awaiting our popping of the lid. We now have the opportunity to look inside that exhumed cache of our once-suppressed possibilities to see who we really are, which means we now have a chance to finally BE who we were truly meant to BE.
Find the courage to take that chance.
Un-become who you aren’t, to become who you really are.